Joke of the day: 2009

Friday, May 1, 2009

M.B.A Student vs B.E Student

M.B.A Student vs B.E Student……great one J

This particular joke won an award for the best joke in a competition organized in Britain......
A MBA and a BE student go on a camping trip,
set up their tent, and fell asleep.
Some hours later, the BE wakes his MBA friend and says:
"Look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
The MBA replies, "I see millions of stars."
The BE asks, "What does that tell you?"
The MBA ponders for a minute.
"Astronomically speaking,
it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.
Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three.
Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant.
Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
What does it tell you?"
The BE is silent for a moment, then speaks.
"Practically. ..Someone has stolen our tent".
"ENGINEERING = 100% COMMON SENSE"

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How guys select the girl they want to marry

A man is dating three women and wants to decide which to marry.

He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of
$5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.

The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon,
gets her hair done, purchases new make-up and buys several new
outfits, and dresses up very nicely for the man.

She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him
because she loves him so much.

The man is impressed.

The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts.

She gets him a new set of STRONG golf clubs, some new gizmos for his
computer, and some expensive clothes.As she presents these gifts, she
tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves
him so much.

Again, the man is impressed.

The third invests the money in the stock market.

She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5000 and
reinvests the remainder in a joint account.

She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she
loves him so much.

Obviously, the man was impressed.

The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money.

Guess which lady he chose to marry?

Think like a man . . .

(scroll down for the answer)

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He married the most beautiful one!!!!!!

Men are Men.... Obviously!!! :)

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Saturday, March 7, 2009

Santa & Banta r back

Teacher: Translate - Bazaar mein goliyan chal rahi hain.

Santa: The Tablets are walking in the market.

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Interviewer: What is skeleton?

Santa: Skeleton is a person who started dieting but forgot to stop it..!!!

*************************************************************

Santa sent SMS to his BOSS: Me sick, no work.

Boss SMS back: When I am sick I kiss my wife try it.

Two hours later Santa sms 2 boss: Me ok, ur wife very sweet.

**********************************************************

Santa: Why has the Govt. fixed voting age 18yrs & marriage age 21yrs?

Banta: Govt. ko pata hai ki desh sambhalna aasan hai, lekin biwi ko nahi.

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Banta: Pareshan lag rahe ho.

Santa: Yaar baap ban ne wala hu.

Banta: Yeh to khushi ki baat hai.

Santa: Lekin biwi ko nahi pata.

***********************************************

Santa bada dukhi tha, kisi ne pucha itni tension me kyon ho?

Santa: Ek dost ko 3 lac plastic surgery k liye diye the, ab use pehchan nahin pa raha

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Driver: Sir ji, petrol khatam ho gaya , gaadi aage nahi ja sakti.

Banta: Chalo Phir, wapis le chalo.

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Santa: Wo dekh teri biwi ko saanp kaat raha hai.

Banta: Are tension mat le, Jeher bharwane aya hoga...

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Banta: Kal Muje 10 logo ne Peeta.

Santa: Phir tune kya kiya?

Banta: Maine kaha salon ek-ek karke aao.

Santa: Phir?

Banta: Phir kya, Salon ne ek-ek karke dubara Peeta !

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Hum Tum Continues....... :)

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Recession Chalisa::Main berozgaar hoon mujhe le lo

Doobte hue aadmi ne

Pull par chalte hue aadmi ko

Aawaz lagayi "bachao bachao"

Pull par chalte aadmi ne neeche

Rassi fenki aur kaha aaoo...

Nadi mein dobta hua aadmi

Rassi nahi pakad pa raha tha

Rah rah kar chillaa raha tha

Mein marna nahi chahta

Zindagi badi mehengi hai

Kal hi to meri ek MNC mein naukri lagi hai..

Itna sunte hi pul par chalte

Aadmi ne apni rassi kheench li

Aur bhagte bhagte wo MNC gaya

Usne wahan ke HR ko bataya ki

Abhi abhi ek aadmi doobkar mar gaya hai

Aur is tarah aapki company mein

Ek jagah khali kar gaya hai...

Mein berozgaar hoon muje le lo...

HR boli dost tumne der kar di,

ab se kuch der Pehle humne us aadmi ko lagaya hai

Jo usse dhakka de kar tumse pehle yahan aaya hai !!!

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Friday, February 27, 2009

What if u upgraded Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0 .........ultimate one!!!

What if u upgraded Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0

Dear Tech Support Team:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0.

I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child-processes
that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.
In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other   programs and
now monitors all other system activities.

Applications such as BachelorNights 10.3, Cricket 5.0 ,
BeerWithBuddies 7.5 , and Outings 3.6 no longer runs, crashing the
system whenever selected. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the
background while attempting to run my favorite applications.

I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 5.0 , but the 'uninstall '
doesn't work on Wife 1.0.

Please help!

Thanks,
"A Troubled User "

REPLY:

Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that people complain about.

Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that
it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program.
Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to
run EVERYTHING !!!

It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to   Girlfriend
5.0.

It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the
system once installed.

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 5.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed
not to allow this. (Look in your Wife 1.0 Manual under
Warnings-Alimony- Child Support) ..

I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the
environment.

I suggest installing the background application " Yes Dear" to
alleviate software augmentation.

The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE
because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before
the system will return to normal anyway.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance.
Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean 2.5, Sweep
3.0, Cook 1.5 and DoLaundry 4.2. However, be very careful how   you
use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the
program NagNag 9.5 .

Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife
1.0is to purchase additional software. I recommend
Sarees 2.1 and Jewellery 5.0

STATUTORY WARNING : DO NOT, under any circumstances, install
SecretaryWith Short Skirt 3.3 . This application is not supported by
Wife 1.0   and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

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Monday, February 16, 2009

Murder of English Language (Application For Leave)

See, how people write leave Applications.

It's murder of English language. But Too Funny.

Just Read It.

The Leave Applications

· Infosys, Bangalore : An employee applied for leave as follows:

"Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife, please sanction me one-week leave.."

· This is from Oracle Bangalore: >From an employee who was performing the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son:

"as I want to shave my son's head, please leave me for two days.."

·
Another gem from CDAC.. Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter's wedding:
"as I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave.."

·
From H.A.L. Administration Dept:
"As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it, please grant me 10 days leave."

·
Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:
"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave"

·
An incident of a leave letter:
"I am suffering from fever, please declare one-day holiday.."

·
A leave letter to the headmaster:
"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today"

·
Another leave letter written to the headmaster:
"As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day."

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Covering note:
"I am enclosed herewith..."

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Another one:
"Dear Sir: with reference to the above, please refer to my below..."

·
Actual letter written for application of leave:
"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave".

·
Letter writing:-
"I am well here and hope you are also in the same well."

·
A candidate's job application:
"This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ' Typist and an Accountant - Male or Female'.... As I am both(!! )for the past several years and I can handle both with good experience, I am applying for the post.