Best interview...!!!

Interviewer:  Tell me about yourself. Candidate:   I am Rameshwar Kulkarni. I did my Tele Communication engineering from BabanRao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology. Interviewer   : BabanRao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology? I had never heard of this college before! Candidate:   Great! Even I had not heard of it before getting an admission into it .. What happened is - due to cricket world cup I scored badly! in 12th.I was getting a paid seat in a good college. But my father said (I prefer to call him 'baap') - "I can not invest so much of money".(The baap actually said - "I will never waste so much of money on you"). So I had to join this college. Frankly speaking this name - BabanRao Dhole-Patil, can at the most be related to a Shetakari Mahavidyalaya. Interviewer:   ok, ok. It seems you have taken 6 years to complete your engineering. Candidate:   Actually I tried my best to finish it in 4 years. But you know, these cricket matches and football world cup, and tennis tournaments. It is difficult to concentrate. So I flunked in 2nd and 3rd year. So in all I took 4 + 2 = 7 years. Interviewer:   But 4+2 is 6. Candidate:   Oh, is it? You know I always had KT in maths. But I will try to keep this in mind. 4+2 is 6, good, thanks. These cricket matches really affect exams a lot. I think they should ban it. Interviewer:   Good to know that you want cricket matches to be banned. Candidate:   No, no... I am talking about Exams!! Interviewer:   Ok, What is your biggest achievement in life?  Candidate:   Obviously, completing my Engineering. My mom never thought I would complete it. In fact, when i flunked in 3rd year, she was looking for a job for me in BEST (Bus corporation in Maharashtra) through some relative. Interviewer:   Do you have any plans of higher study? Candidate:   he he he.. Are you kidding? Completing 'lower' education itself was so much of pain!! Interviewer:   Let's talk about technical stuff. On which platforms have you worked? Candidate:   Well, I work at SEEPZ, so you can say Andheri is my current platform. Earlier I was at Vashi center. So Vashi was my platform then. As you can see I have experience of different platforms! (Vashi and Andheri are the places in Mumbai) Interviewer:   And which languages have you used? Candidate:   Marathi, Hindi, English. By the way, I can keep quiet in German, French, Russian and many other languages. Interviewer:   Why VC is better than VB? Candidate:   It is a common sense - C comes after B. So VC is a higher version than VB. I heard very soon they are coming up with a new language VD! Interviewer:   Do you know anything about Assembly Language?  Candidate:   Well, I have not heard of it. But I guess, this is the language our ministers and MPs use in assembly. Interviewer:   What is your general project experience? Candidate:   My general experience about projects is - most of th! e times they are in pipeline! Interviewer:   Can you tell me about your current job?  Candidate:   Sure, Currently I am working for Bata InfoTech ltd. Since joining BIL, I am on Bench. Before joining BIL, I used to think that Bench was another software like Windows. Interviewer:   Do you have any project management experience?  Candidate:   No, but I guess it shouldn't be difficult. I know Word and Excel. I can talk a lot. I know how to dial for International phone call and use speaker facility. And very important - I know few words like - 'Showstoppers ' , 'hotfixes', 'SEI-CMM','quality' ,'versioncontrol ','deadlines' , 'Customer Satisfaction' etc. Also I can blame others for my mistakes! Interviewer:   What are your expectations from our company?  Candidate:   Not much. 1. I should at least get 40,000 in hand. 2. I would like to work on a live EJB project. But it should not have deadlines. I personally feel that pressure affects natural talent. 3. I believe in flexi-timings. 4. Dress code is against basic freedom, so I would like to wear t-shirt and jeans. 5. We must have sat-sun off. I will suggest Wednesday off also, so as to avoid breakdown due to overwork. 6. I would like to go abroad 3 times a year on short term preferably 1-2 months) assignments. Personally I prefer US, Australia and Europe. But considering the fact that there is Olympics coming up in China in the current year, I don't mind going there in that period. As you can see I am modest and don't have many expectations. So can I assume my selection? Interviewer:   he he he ha ha ha. Thanks for your interest in our organization. In fact I was never entertained so much before. Welcome to INFOSYS. The fellow was appointed in a newly created section 'Stress Management' in the HRD of Infosys.

 

Award winning Joke!!!!!!!!!!It's really awesome ;-)

Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are extremely mischievous. They are  always getting into trouble and their parents know all about it.

If any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably involved.
 


The boys' mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak

with her boys. The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually. So the mother sent the 8 year old first, in the

morning, with the older boy to see the preacher in the afternoon.



The preacher, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly,


  "Do you know where God is, son?"
 
The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open.
So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone,
 
"Where is God?!"
Again, the boy made no attempt to answer. The preacher raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed,


  "Where is God?!"


The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him.
When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?"

The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied,


"We are in BIG trouble this time.

  .........................

  ("I just LOVE reading next line again and again")

  ................................

  ...............................

  ..........................

  ...................

  ...............

  ......

  ...

  ...

  ...

  GOD is missing, and they think we did it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 

Man & Hen - Read this and Enjoy!!!

Anil came home from the pub late one Friday evening stinking drunk, as he often did, and crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep.


He gave a peck on the cheek and fell asleep.


When he awoke he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white robe. 'Who the hell are you?' Demanded Anil, 'and what are you doing in my bedroom?'.


The mysterious Man answered 'This isn't your bedroom and I'm Yamraj'.


Anil was stunned 'You mean I'm dead!!! That can't be, I have so much to live for, I haven't said goodbye to my family.... you've got to send me back straight away'.


Yamraj  replied 'Yes you can be reincarnated but there is a catch. We can only send you back as a dog or a hen.'


A nil was devastated, but knowing there was a farm not far from his house, he asked to be sent back as a hen.


A flash of light later he was covered in feathers and clucking around pecking the ground. 'This ain't so bad' he thought until he felt this strange feeling welling up inside him.


The farmyard rooster strolled over and said 'So you're the new hen, how are you enjoying your first day here?'


It's not so bad' replies Anil, 'but I have this strange feeling inside like I'm about to explode'.



You're ovulating' explained the rooster, 'don't tell me you've never laid an egg before'.


'Never' replies Anil



'Well just relax and let it happen'



And so he did and after a few uncomfortable seconds later, an egg pops out from under his tail.



An immense feeling of relief swept over him and his emotions got the better of him as he experienced motherhood for the first time.

When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was overwhelming and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best thing that ever happened to him... ever!!!


The joy kept coming and as he was just about to lay his third egg, he felt an enormous smack on the back of his head and heard his wife shouting



Anil, wake up you drunken bastard, you're shitting on the bed'.
 

Raj

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