The Buffalo Theory:
A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.
In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."
Moral of the story : Keep drinking!!!! L
Dedicated to drinkers & alcohol fans!!!
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Ultimate logic and comparison
Chandrababuism
You have two cows inVijayawada . You hook them to internet and milk them from Hyderabad .
YSRism
You have two cows .Distrubute milk for free to 10 crore population
Jayalalithaism
You have two cows. You teach them to cry,"Ammaaaaaaa..." and fall at your
feet.
Karunanidhiism
You have two cows. You give one to your son and the other to your nephew.
Gandhism
You have two cows. But you drink goat's milk.
Indiraism
You have two bulls. You adamantly consider them as cows.
Lalooism
You have two cows. You buy Rs. 900 Crore worth of cattlefeed for them.
Rajnikantism
You have two cows. You throw them into air and catch their milk in your
mouth.
Rajivism
You have two cows. You paint them both to get colourful milk.
Softwarism:(Ultimate....)
Client has 2 cows and u need to milk them
1 . First prepare a document when to milk them (Project kick off)
2 . Prepare a document how long you have to milk them (Project plan)
3 . Then prepare how to milk them (Design)
4 . Then prepare what other accessories are needed to milk them (Framework)
5 . Then prepare a 2 dummy cows (sort of toy cows) and show to client the
way in which u will milk them (UI Mockups & POC)
6 . If client is not satisfied then redo from step 2
7 . You actually start milking them and find that there are few problem
with accessories. (Change framework)
8 . Redo step 4
9 . At last milk them and send it to onsite. (Coding over)
10. Make sure that cow milks properly ( Testing)
11. Onsite reports that it is not milking there.
12. You break your head and find that onsite is trying to milk from bulls
13. At last onsite milk them and send to client (Testing)
14. Client says the quality of milk is not good. (User Acceptance Test)
15. Offsite then slogs and improves the quality of milk
16. Now the client says that the quality is good but its milking at slow
rate (performance issue)
17. Again you slog and send it with good performance.
18. Client is happy???
By this time both the COWs aged and cant milk. (The software got old and
get ready for next release repeat from step 1) !
You have two cows inVijayawada . You hook them to internet and milk them from Hyderabad .
YSRism
You have two cows .Distrubute milk for free to 10 crore population
Jayalalithaism
You have two cows. You teach them to cry,"Ammaaaaaaa..." and fall at your
feet.
Karunanidhiism
You have two cows. You give one to your son and the other to your nephew.
Gandhism
You have two cows. But you drink goat's milk.
Indiraism
You have two bulls. You adamantly consider them as cows.
Lalooism
You have two cows. You buy Rs. 900 Crore worth of cattlefeed for them.
Rajnikantism
You have two cows. You throw them into air and catch their milk in your
mouth.
Rajivism
You have two cows. You paint them both to get colourful milk.
Softwarism:(Ultimate....)
Client has 2 cows and u need to milk them
1 . First prepare a document when to milk them (Project kick off)
2 . Prepare a document how long you have to milk them (Project plan)
3 . Then prepare how to milk them (Design)
4 . Then prepare what other accessories are needed to milk them (Framework)
5 . Then prepare a 2 dummy cows (sort of toy cows) and show to client the
way in which u will milk them (UI Mockups & POC)
6 . If client is not satisfied then redo from step 2
7 . You actually start milking them and find that there are few problem
with accessories. (Change framework)
8 . Redo step 4
9 . At last milk them and send it to onsite. (Coding over)
10. Make sure that cow milks properly ( Testing)
11. Onsite reports that it is not milking there.
12. You break your head and find that onsite is trying to milk from bulls
13. At last onsite milk them and send to client (Testing)
14. Client says the quality of milk is not good. (User Acceptance Test)
15. Offsite then slogs and improves the quality of milk
16. Now the client says that the quality is good but its milking at slow
rate (performance issue)
17. Again you slog and send it with good performance.
18. Client is happy???
By this time both the COWs aged and cant milk. (The software got old and
get ready for next release repeat from step 1) !
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Wonderful Resignation Letter
Poetic Resignation
The name is good, the brand is big
But the work I do is that of a pig
The work or the brand; what is my way?
I don't know if I should stay.
To work, they have set their own way
Nobody will care to hear what I say
My will be NULL, they wont change their way
I don't know if I should stay.
The project is in a critical stage
But to do good work, this is the age
This dilemma is killing me day by day
I don't know if I should stay.
The money is good, the place is great
But the development is at a very small rate
Should I go for the work, or wait for pay
I don't know if I should stay!
The managers don't know what they talk
The team doesn't know where they walk
That's a bad situation, what say?
I don't know if I should stay.
I can go to any other place
But what if I get the same disgrace
I can't keep switching day by day
I don't know if I should stay.
The -ves are more, the +ves are less
Then why have this unnecessary mess
No more will I walk their way,
It's all done, I won't stay.
Thanks & Regards
Employee
The name is good, the brand is big
But the work I do is that of a pig
The work or the brand; what is my way?
I don't know if I should stay.
To work, they have set their own way
Nobody will care to hear what I say
My will be NULL, they wont change their way
I don't know if I should stay.
The project is in a critical stage
But to do good work, this is the age
This dilemma is killing me day by day
I don't know if I should stay.
The money is good, the place is great
But the development is at a very small rate
Should I go for the work, or wait for pay
I don't know if I should stay!
The managers don't know what they talk
The team doesn't know where they walk
That's a bad situation, what say?
I don't know if I should stay.
I can go to any other place
But what if I get the same disgrace
I can't keep switching day by day
I don't know if I should stay.
The -ves are more, the +ves are less
Then why have this unnecessary mess
No more will I walk their way,
It's all done, I won't stay.
Thanks & Regards
Employee
Jobless person applying for a job
Good Morning !!!!!!
A jobless man applied for the position of "office boy" at Microsoft.
The HR manager interviewed him then watched him cleaning the floor as a test.
"You are employed."
He said." Give me your e-mail address and I'll send you the
application to fill in, as well as date when you may start."
The man replied "But I don't have a computer, neither an email."
I'm sorry", said the HR manager, "If you don't have an email, that
means you do not exist. And who doesn't exist, cannot have the job."
The man left with no hope at all. He didn't know what to do, with only
$10 in his pocket. He then decided to go to the supermarket and buy a 10Kg tomato crate.
He then sold the tomatoes in a door to door round. In less than two
hours, he succeeded to double his capital. He repeated the Operation
three times, and returned home with $60. The man realized that he can
survive by this Way, and started to go everyday earlier, and return
late Thus, his money doubled or tripled every day. Shortly, he bought
a cart, then a truck, then he had his own fleet of delivery vehicles.
5 years later , the man is one of the biggest food retailers in the US.
He started to plan his family's future, and decided to have a life insurance.
He called an insurance broker, and chose a protection plan. When the
conversation was concluded, the broker asked him his email. The man
replied, "I don't have an email". The broker answered curiously, "You
don't have an email, and yet have succeeded to build an empire. Can
you imagine what you could have been if you had an email?!!"
The man thought for a while and replied, "Yes, I'd be an office boy at
Microsoft!"
Moral of the story:
M1 - Internet is not the solution to your life.
M2 - If you don't have internet, and work hard, you can be a millionaire.
M3 - If you received this message by email, you are closer to being an
office boy,
than a millionaire..........
Have a great day!!!
Pls Note: - Do not forward this email to me back, I'm closing all my
email addresses & going to sell tomatoes!!!
Smiling after reading is not mandatory!!!!
Sprite AD of software engineer
Imagine ur self in a Sprite Ad
Your Colleague : Hey!! Kya yahan baitha mail forward karta rahta hai yaar !!
Naye packages dekh.... Naye language seekh. Night out
Maar....Fundoo programming kar like me....! Do something
cool man !!
You : Achha! To usse Kya hoga ..
Your Colleague : Impression!!! Appraisal !!! Har appraisal main tu No 1!
Hike in salary !! Extra Stocks
You : Phir kya hoga...
Your Colleague : Project Leader ban jaayega..Phir Project Manager !!!
Phir Business Manager ! One day U will be a Director of the
Company man !!
You : Acchha to phir kya hoga...
Your Colleague : Abe phir tu aish karega! Koi kaam nahin karna padega !
Araam se office aayega aur MAIL check karega.
You : To ab main kya kar raha hoon????
"Dikhawe pe na jao, apni akal lagao.
Programming hai waste, trust only copy-paste "
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