Joke of the day: February 2009

Friday, February 27, 2009

What if u upgraded Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0 .........ultimate one!!!

What if u upgraded Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0

Dear Tech Support Team:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0.

I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child-processes
that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.
In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other   programs and
now monitors all other system activities.

Applications such as BachelorNights 10.3, Cricket 5.0 ,
BeerWithBuddies 7.5 , and Outings 3.6 no longer runs, crashing the
system whenever selected. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the
background while attempting to run my favorite applications.

I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 5.0 , but the 'uninstall '
doesn't work on Wife 1.0.

Please help!

Thanks,
"A Troubled User "

REPLY:

Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that people complain about.

Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that
it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program.
Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to
run EVERYTHING !!!

It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to   Girlfriend
5.0.

It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the
system once installed.

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 5.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed
not to allow this. (Look in your Wife 1.0 Manual under
Warnings-Alimony- Child Support) ..

I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the
environment.

I suggest installing the background application " Yes Dear" to
alleviate software augmentation.

The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE
because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before
the system will return to normal anyway.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance.
Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean 2.5, Sweep
3.0, Cook 1.5 and DoLaundry 4.2. However, be very careful how   you
use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the
program NagNag 9.5 .

Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife
1.0is to purchase additional software. I recommend
Sarees 2.1 and Jewellery 5.0

STATUTORY WARNING : DO NOT, under any circumstances, install
SecretaryWith Short Skirt 3.3 . This application is not supported by
Wife 1.0   and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

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Monday, February 16, 2009

Murder of English Language (Application For Leave)

See, how people write leave Applications.

It's murder of English language. But Too Funny.

Just Read It.

The Leave Applications

· Infosys, Bangalore : An employee applied for leave as follows:

"Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife, please sanction me one-week leave.."

· This is from Oracle Bangalore: >From an employee who was performing the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son:

"as I want to shave my son's head, please leave me for two days.."

·
Another gem from CDAC.. Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter's wedding:
"as I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave.."

·
From H.A.L. Administration Dept:
"As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it, please grant me 10 days leave."

·
Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:
"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave"

·
An incident of a leave letter:
"I am suffering from fever, please declare one-day holiday.."

·
A leave letter to the headmaster:
"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today"

·
Another leave letter written to the headmaster:
"As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day."

·
Covering note:
"I am enclosed herewith..."

·
Another one:
"Dear Sir: with reference to the above, please refer to my below..."

·
Actual letter written for application of leave:
"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave".

·
Letter writing:-
"I am well here and hope you are also in the same well."

·
A candidate's job application:
"This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ' Typist and an Accountant - Male or Female'.... As I am both(!! )for the past several years and I can handle both with good experience, I am applying for the post.