Software Engineer Husband............................

Software Engineer Husband

Husband - hey dear, I am logged in.
Wife - would you like to have some snacks?
Husband - hard disk full.

Wife - have you brought the saree.
Husband - Bad command or file name.

Wife - but I told you about it in morning
Husband - erroneous syntax, abort, retry, cancel.

Wife - hae ALLAh !forget it where's your salary.
Husband - file in use, read only, try after some time.

Wife - at least give me your credit card,
i can do some shopping.
Husband - sharing violation, access denied.

Wife - i made a mistake in marrying you.
Husband - data type mismatch.

Wife - you are useless.
Husband - by default.

Wife - who was there with you in the car this morning?
Husband - system unstable press ctrl, alt, del to
Reboot.

Wife - what is the relation between you & your
Receptionist?
Husband - the only user with write permission.

Wife - what is my value in your life?
Husband - unknown virus detected.

Wife - do you love me or your computer?
Husband - Too many parameters.

Wife - i will go to my dad’s house.
Husband - program performed illegal operation, it will
Close.

Wife - I will leave you forever.
Husband - close all programs and log out for another User.

Wife - it is worthless talking to you.
Husband - shut down the computer.

Wife - I am going
Husband - Its now safe to turn off your computer.

 

 

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10 most stupid questions people usually ask in obvious situations

 

Hi,

 

 

1. At the movies: When you meet acquaintances/ friends.. .
   Stupid Question:- Hey, what are you doing here?
   Answeron’t u know, I sell tickets in black over here..
   
   2. In the bus: A heavy lady wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps onyour feet... Stupid Question:-Sorry, did that hurt?
   Answer:- No, not at all, I`m on local anesthesia.. ...why don`t you try again?
   
   3. At a funeral: One of the teary-eyed people ask...
   Stupid Question:-Why, why him, of all people.
   Answer:-Why? Would it rather have been you?
   
   4. At a restaurant: When you ask the waiter
   Stupid Question:- Is ! the "Butter Paneer Masala" dish good??
   Answer:- No, its terrible and made of adulterated cement. We occasionally also spit in it.
   
   5. At a family get-together: When some distant aunt meets you after years...
   Stupid Question:-
   Munna, Chickoo, you`ve become so big.
   Answer:- Well you haven`t particularly shrunk yourself.
   
   6. When a friend announces her wedding and you ask...
   Stupid Question:-Is the guy you`re marrying good?
   Answer:- No, he’s a miserable wife-beating , insensitive lout...it`s just the money.
   
   7. When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call...
   Stupid Question:-Sorry. were you sleeping?
   Answer:- No. I was doing research on whether the Zulu tribes in Africa marry or not. You thought I was sleeping.... you dumb witted moron.
   
   8. When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair...
   Stupid Question:- Hey have you had a haircut?
   Answer:- No, its autumn and I`m shedding.... ..
   
   
   9. At the dentist when he`s sticking pointed objects in your mouth...Stupid Question:- Tell me if it hurts?
   Answer:- No it wont. It will just bleed.
   
   
   10. You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman asks...
   Stupid Question:- Oh, so you smoke........
   Answer:- Gosh, it`s a miracle .......it was a piece of chalk and now it`s in flames!!!

 

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Yet another funny one.....

 Once upon a time, there was a software engineer
  who used to develop programs on his Pentium
machine, sitting under a tree on the banks of a
river. He used to earn his bread by selling those
        programs in the Sunday market.

  One day, while he was working, his machine
 tumbled off the table and fell in the river.
  Encouraged by the Panchatantra story of his
                   childhood


        ( the woodcutter and the axe )


 He started praying to the River Goddess. The
River Goddess wanted to test him and so appeared
 only after one month of rigorous prayers. The
engineer told her that he had lost his computer
                 in the river.


As usual, the Goddess wanted to test his honesty.
    She showed him a match box and asked, "


            Is this your computer ?


" Disappointed by the Goddess' lack of computer
    awareness, the engineer replied, " No."

She next showed him a pocket-sized calculator and
            asked if that was his.
         Annoyed, the engineer said "


              No, not at all !!"

Finally, she came up with his own Pentium machine
           and asked if it was his.
 The engineer, left with no option, sighed and
                  said "Yes."

The River Goddess was happy with his honesty. She
was about to give him all three items, but before
she could make the offer, the engineer asked her,
"Don't you know that you're supposed to show me
some better computers before bringing up my own
                      ?"

The River Goddess, angered at this, replied, "I
  know that, you stupid donkey! The first two
things I showed you were the Trillennium and the
Billennium, the latest computers from IBM !". So
  saying, she disappeared with the Pentium!!

                   ********


Moral: If you're not up-to-date with technology
trends, it's better to keep your mouth shut and
 let people think you're a genius than to open
       your mouth and remove all doubt.

 

 

 

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Interview---Very Funny :)))))))))))))))))))

Officer : What Is Your Name ?
Candidate : M P. Sir
Officer : Tell Me Properly
Candidate : Mohan Pal Sir
Officer : Your Father's Name ?
Candidate : M P. Sir
Officer : What Does That Mean ?
Candidate : Manmohan Pal Sir
Officer : Your Native Place
Candidate : M P. Sir
Officer : Is It Madhya Pradesh ?
Candidate : No, Munnur Pal Sir
Officer : What Is Your Qualification?
Candidate : M P. Sir
Officer : (Angrily) What Is It ?
Candidate : Metric Pass
Officer : Why Do You Need A Job ?
Candidate : M P. Sir
Officer : And What Does That Mean ?
Candidate : Money Problem Sir
Officer : Describe Your Personality
Candidate : M P. Sir
Officer : Explain Yourself Clearly
Candidate : Magnanimous Personality Sir
Officer : This Discussion Is Nowhere, You May Go Now
Candidate : M P. Sir
Officer : What Is It Now
Candidate : My Performance....?
Officer : Mp !!!
Candidate : What Is That Sir..?
Officer : Mentally Puncture

 

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