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joke

Interviewer : Tell me about yourself.
Candidate: I …am Rameshwar Kulkarni. I did my Tele Communication engineering from BabanRao Dhole-Patil Inst it ute of Technology.

Interviewer : BabanRao Dhole-Patil Inst it ute of Technology? I had never heard of this college before!
Candidate : Great! Even I had not heard of it before getting an admission into it ..
What happened is – due to cricket world cup I scored badly! in 12th.I was getting a paid seat in a good college. But my father said (I prefer to call him 'baap') – "I can not invest so much of money".(The baap actually said – "I will never waste so much of money on you"). So I had to join this college. Frankly speaking this name – BabanRao Dhole-Patil, can at the most be related to a Shetakari Mahavidyalaya

Interviewer: ok, ok. It seems you have taken 6 years to complete your engineering.
Candidate : Actually I tried my best to finish it in 4 years. But you know, these cricket matches and football world cup, and tennis tournaments. It is difficult to concentrate. So I flunked in 2nd and 3rd year. So in all I took 4 + 2 = 7 years.

Interviewer: But 4+2 is 6.
Candidate: Oh, is it ? You know I always had KT in maths. But I will try to keep this in mind. 4+2 is 6, good, thanks. These cricket matches really affect exams a lot.. I think they should ban it .

Interviewer : Good to know that you want cricket matches to be banned.
Candidate : No, no… I am talking about Exams!!

Interviewer: Ok, What is your biggest achievement in life?
Candidate : Obviously, completing my Engineering. My mom never thought I would complete it . In fact, when I flunked in 3rd year, she was looking for a job for me in BEST (Bus corporation in Maharashtra ) through some relative.

Interviewer : Do you have any plans of higher study?
Candidate: he he he.. Are you kidding? Completing 'lower' education it self was so much of pain!!

Interviewer : Let's talk about technical stuff. On which platforms have you worked?
Candidate : Well, I work at SEEPZ, so you can say Andheri is my current platforms. Earlier I was at Vashi center. So Vashi was my platform then. As you can see I have experience of different platforms! (Vashi and Andheri are the places in Mumbai)

Interviewer : And which languages have you used?
Candidate : Marathi, Hindi, English. By the way, I can keep quiet in German, French, Russian and many other languages.

Interviewer: Why VC is better than VB?
Candidate : It is a common sense – C comes after B. So VC is a higher version than VB. I heard very soon they are coming up w it h a new language VD!

Interviewer: Do you know anything about Assembly Language?
Candidate: Well, I have not heard of it . But I guess, this is the language our ministers and MPs use in assembly.

Interviewer : What is your general project experience?
Candidate : My general experience about projects is – most of the times they are in pipeline!

Interviewer: Can you tell me about your current job?
Candidate: Sure, Currently I am working for Bata Info Tech ltd. Since joining BIL, I am on Bench. Before joining BIL, I used to think that Bench was another software like Windows.

Interviewer : Do you have any project management experience?
Candidate: No, but I guess it shouldn't be difficult. I know Word and Excel. I can talk a lot. I know how to dial for International phone call and use speaker facility. And very important – I know few words like – 'Showstoppers ' , 'hot fixes', 'SEI-CMM', 'quality', 'version control', 'deadlines' , 'Customer Satisfaction' etc. Also I can blame others for my mistakes!

Interviewer: What are your expectations from our company?
Candidate : Not much.
1. I should at least get 40,000 in hand..
2. I would like to work on a live EJB project. But it should not have deadlines. I personally feel that pressure affects natural talent.
3. I believe in flexi-timings.
4. Dress Code is against basic freedom, so I would like to wear t-shirt and jeans.
5. We must have sat-sun off. I will suggest Wednesday off also, so as to avoid breakdown due to overwork.
6. I would like to go abroad 3 times a year on short term preferably 1-2 months) assignments. Personally I prefer US, Australia and Europe. But considering the fact that there are Olympics coming up in China in the current year, I don't mind going there in that period. As you can see I am modest and don't have many expectations. So can I assume my selection?

Interviewer : he he he ha ha ha. Thanks for your interest in our organization. In fact I was never entertained so much before. Welcome to INFOSYS.

The fellow was appointed in a newly created section 'Stress Management' in the HRD of Infosys.

So Excellence is not the only thing Needed. Its the Unique Quality of a Person which can let anyone to Success. Work on Your own Field rather then following somebody else's Path

Jokes of the day

Gabbar : Kitne aadmi they?
Sambha : Sardar 2

Gabbar : Mujhe ginti nahin aati, 2 kitne hote hain?
Samba : Sardar 2, 1 ke baad aata hai

Gabbar : Aur 2 ke pehle?
Samba : 2 k pehle 1 aata hai.

Gabbar : To beech mein kaun ata hai?
Samba : Beech mein koi nahi aata

Gabbar : To phir dono ek saath kyun nahin aate?
Samba : 1 k baad hi 2 aa sakta hai, kyun ki 2, 1 se bada hai.

Gabar : 2, 1 se kitna bada hai?
Samba : 2, 1 se 1 bada hai.

Gabbar : Agar 2, 1 se 1 bada hai to 1, 1 se kitna bada hai?
Samnba : Sardar maine aapka namak khaya hai, mujhe goli maar do..

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Seeing Santa Singh depressed one of his friends asks him.

"Oye why are you sad?"

To which Santa replies …"I lost Rs 300 in bet."

His friend ask hims…"How?"

Santa Singh says.."I bet on India for Rs 200…"But unfortunately India lost

His friend queries.."But you said Rs 300…"

Santa Singh answers…"I again bet for India for Rs 100 in the highlights of the match"

—————————————–

Munna: Bolay to apun ko tera operation dobara karna paray ga.

Patient: Kyun???

Munna: Kyun ke apun kay rubber ke gloves teray andar hi reh gaye hain.

Patient: Agar yeh baat hai toh mujhay jaanay do. Mien tumharay gloves ki payment kar doon ga.

—————————————–

Mohan: Ladkiya sharab se itni nafrat kyun karti hai?

Sohan: Kyun ki isko pine ke baad unke chue jaise pati shero jaise bartab karne lagte hai!!!

—————————————–

Math Teacher : If a=b and b=c then a=c, now give me the practical example of this principle from real life.

Student : I love you sir and you love your daughter which means I love your daughter.

Some Hilarious Tweets on Current Affairs

 

Any chance of Rahul Gandhi entering the cabinet? Isn't it time Sonia did some beta testing?   Maybe Yeddy could be sent to Kashmir. In a few years, all the land will belong to his family, and all problems will be solved.   Government of Egypt blocks all internet access. The country can now be renamed gypt.   100 phones tapped each day per operator. Finally we have a government that listens to us.   Vote for Baba Ramdev. He'll be the PM who can help you make your ends meet. Your head and toe, that is.   Mayawati, Jayalalitha & Mamata should now form an alliance. They can call it Behenji-Amma-Didi. Or BAD, for short.   Kalmadi's aide is in jail. Raja's aide is dead. Satish Sharma denies ever having an aide. India seems quite serious about eradicating Aids.   Police Manual: if it's one guy, take a bribe. If it's a couple, harass. If it's a bunch of people, lathi charge. If it's a mob, disappear.   According to Census 2011, there are 940 females for every 1000 males in India. Those 60 unfortunate men join the Ram Sene, i guess.   Dear Baba Ramdev, we can't ban 1000 & 500 rupee notes. We are a secular country. So we need to respect all denominations.   On most days, Digvijay Singh makes no sense. On some few days, he is silent.   Two weapons against corruption: Lokpal and Chappal.   A documentary on Air India's planes  Saare Zameen Par.   I really don't understand why people consider alcohol to be a problem. Chemically speaking, it's a solution.   Since 1977, West Bengal has been crawling along at approximately 0.00000000001 kmph. They've just covered 3 CMs in 34 years.   If P&G buys Unilever, the unified entity can be called Procter and Gamble and Lever. Abbreviated to PaGaL.   Gandhi would have been a great bowler. He could spin as well as fast.   Baba Ramdev is going to create an army with a headcount of 11,000. Or a leg-count of 22,000. Depending on which side is up.   Three generations of Bachchans  BigB, WannaB, and now BayB.   25-paise coins to go off circulation from Jun 30. The govt feels they can't handle one Anna, so there's no need for four annas.   Every night families in rural U.P. must be shuddering in anticipation of Rahul Gandhi dropping in for dinner and whacking their charpai.   I think Manmohan should get VVS Laxman into the cabinet. The UPA is in major trouble in its second innings.   Kalmadi: So what are you here for? | Anna: Jan Lokpal bill. And you? | Kalmadi: Er! video bill, sponsorship bill, catering bill, etc.   All MPs to get iPads. Awesome. As some would say, from anPad to iPad in 3 days.   It's been a pretty decent tour for india. We beat three teams  Sussex, Kent & Leicestershire. And lost to only one  England.   The word Engineer is derived from Anjaneya (or Hanuman), who built a bridge and didn't hang around with girls.   Bangalore may have a nice past. And a great future. But there's no current.   Infosys: More profits means great quarter. UB: More quarters means great profit.   BJP guy gives 500 rupee notes to journalists for +ve Rath Yatra coverage. He must have heard that a good reporter always takes notes.   Anna Hazare breaks vow of silence. So Manmohan Singh wins this one.   A big time Eid Mubarak to all. Except of course, goats. Who tend to look at EID backwards.   Think of the tiger. Think of hockey. All national icons. Now you get it? The real problem with the rupee is that it is the national currency of India.   PM says India and China are good friends. Of course we are. We have so much in common. Like Arunachal Pradesh. . __,_._,___

 

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