Joke of the day

blogger.rajeshdesk

Software Engineer Husband

Husband - hey dear, I am logged in.
Wife - would you like to have some snacks?
Husband - hard disk full.

Wife - have you brought the saree.
Husband - Bad command or file name.

Wife - but I told you about it in morning
Husband - erroneous syntax, abort, retry, cancel.

Wife - hae ALLAh !forget it where's your salary.
Husband - file in use, read only, try after some time.

Wife - at least give me your credit card,
i can do some shopping.
Husband - sharing violation, access denied.

Wife - i made a mistake in marrying you.
Husband - data type mismatch.

Wife - you are useless.
Husband - by default.

Wife - who was there with you in the car this morning?
Husband - system unstable press ctrl, alt, del to
Reboot.

Wife - what is the relation between you & your
Receptionist?
Husband - the only user with write permission.

Wife - what is my value in your life?
Husband - unknown virus detected.

Wife - do you love me or your computer?
Husband - Too many parameters.

Wife - i will go to my dad’s house.
Husband - program performed illegal operation, it will
Close.

Wife - I will leave you forever.
Husband - close all programs and log out for another User.

Wife - it is worthless talking to you.
Husband - shut down the computer.

Wife - I am going
Husband - Its now safe to turn off your computer.

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blogger.rajeshdesk

Hi,

At the movies: When you meet acquaintances/ friends.. .
Stupid Question:- Hey, what are you doing here?
Answeron’t u know, I sell tickets in black over here..

2. In the bus: A heavy lady wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps onyour feet... Stupid Question:-Sorry, did that hurt?
Answer:- No, not at all, I`m on local anesthesia.. ...why don`t you try again?

3. At a funeral: One of the teary-eyed people ask...
Stupid Question:-Why, why him, of all people.
Answer:-Why? Would it rather have been you?

4. At a restaurant: When you ask the waiter
Stupid Question:- Is ! the "Butter Paneer Masala" dish good??
Answer:- No, its terrible and made of adulterated cement. We occasionally also spit in it.

5. At a family get-together: When some distant aunt meets you after years...
Stupid Question:-
Munna, Chickoo, you`ve become so big.
Answer:- Well you haven`t particularly shrunk yourself.

6. When a friend announces her wedding and you ask...
Stupid Question:-Is the guy you`re marrying good?
Answer:- No, he’s a miserable wife-beating , insensitive lout...it`s just the money.

7. When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call...
Stupid Question:-Sorry. were you sleeping?
Answer:- No. I was doing research on whether the Zulu tribes in Africa marry or not. You thought I was sleeping.... you dumb witted moron.

8. When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair...
Stupid Question:- Hey have you had a haircut?
Answer:- No, its autumn and I`m shedding.... ..

9. At the dentist when he`s sticking pointed objects in your mouth...Stupid Question:- Tell me if it hurts?
Answer:- No it wont. It will just bleed.

10. You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman asks...
Stupid Question:- Oh, so you smoke........
Answer:- Gosh, it`s a miracle .......it was a piece of chalk and now it`s in flames!!!

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blogger.rajeshdesk

Once upon a time, there was a software engineer
who used to develop programs on his Pentium
machine, sitting under a tree on the banks of a
river. He used to earn his bread by selling those
programs in the Sunday market.

One day, while he was working, his machine
tumbled off the table and fell in the river.
Encouraged by the Panchatantra story of his
childhood

( the woodcutter and the axe )

He started praying to the River Goddess. The
River Goddess wanted to test him and so appeared
only after one month of rigorous prayers. The
engineer told her that he had lost his computer
in the river.

As usual, the Goddess wanted to test his honesty.
She showed him a match box and asked, "

Is this your computer ?

" Disappointed by the Goddess' lack of computer
awareness, the engineer replied, " No."

She next showed him a pocket-sized calculator and
asked if that was his.
Annoyed, the engineer said "

No, not at all !!"

Finally, she came up with his own Pentium machine
and asked if it was his.
The engineer, left with no option, sighed and
said "Yes."

The River Goddess was happy with his honesty. She
was about to give him all three items, but before
she could make the offer, the engineer asked her,
"Don't you know that you're supposed to show me
some better computers before bringing up my own
?"

The River Goddess, angered at this, replied, "I
know that, you stupid donkey! The first two
things I showed you were the Trillennium and the
Billennium, the latest computers from IBM !". So
saying, she disappeared with the Pentium!!

********

Moral: If you're not up-to-date with technology
trends, it's better to keep your mouth shut and
let people think you're a genius than to open
your mouth and remove all doubt.

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blogger.rajeshdesk

Officer : What Is Your Name ?
Candidate : M P. Sir
Officer : Tell Me Properly
Candidate : Mohan Pal Sir
Officer : Your Father's Name ?
Candidate : M P. Sir
Officer : What Does That Mean ?
Candidate : Manmohan Pal Sir
Officer : Your Native Place
Candidate : M P. Sir
Officer : Is It Madhya Pradesh ?
Candidate : No, Munnur Pal Sir
Officer : What Is Your Qualification?
Candidate : M P. Sir
Officer : (Angrily) What Is It ?
Candidate : Metric Pass
Officer : Why Do You Need A Job ?
Candidate : M P. Sir
Officer : And What Does That Mean ?
Candidate : Money Problem Sir
Officer : Describe Your Personality
Candidate : M P. Sir
Officer : Explain Yourself Clearly
Candidate : Magnanimous Personality Sir
Officer : This Discussion Is Nowhere, You May Go Now
Candidate : M P. Sir
Officer : What Is It Now
Candidate : My Performance....?
Officer : Mp !!!
Candidate : What Is That Sir..?
Officer : Mentally Puncture

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blogger.rajeshdesk

HOW TO RECRUIT THE RIGHT PERSON FOR THE JOB?

Put about 100 bricks in some
Particular order in a closed
Room with an
Open window.

Then send 2 or 3 candidates in
The room and close the door.

Leave them alone and come back
After 6 hours and then analyze
The situation.

If they are counting the
Bricks.
Put them in the accounts
Department.

If they are recounting them..
Put them in auditing .

If they have messed up the
Whole place with the bricks.
Put them in engineering.

If they are arranging the
Bricks in some strange order.
Put them in planning.

If they are throwing the
Bricks at each other.
Put them in operations .

If they are sleeping.
Put them in security.

If they have broken the bricks
Into pieces.
Put them in information
Technology.

If they are sitting idle.
Put them in human resources.

If they say they have tried
Different combinations, yet
Not a brick has
Been moved. Put them in sales.

If they have already left for
The day.
Put them in marketing.

If they are staring out of the
Window.
Put them on strategic
Planning.

And then last but not least.
If they are talking to each
Other and not a single brick
Has been
Moved.

Congratulate them and put them
In top management

blogger.rajeshdesk

KILLER PJS

Arz kiya hai .......... jara gaur farmaeaga ...........

kutta mar gaya rajaai mein
kutta mar gaya rajaai me
main pagal ho gaya teri judai mein.

ek aur mulahija farmaeye ...................

Haathi naali me beh nahi sakta
Haathi naali me beh nahi sakta
aur main tere bina ab reh nahi sakta

ek aur ..............

Tu mere dil mein aise samaayi hai
Jaise baajre ke khet mein bhains ghus aayi hai

saheban pesh-e-khidamat hai .............

Ke khidki se dekha to raste pe koi nahi tha ...
Ke khidki se dekha to raste pe koi nahi tha ...
Aur raste pe jake dekha to khidki pe koi nahi tha ....

Door se dekha toh sher tha
gaur kijiega .....
Door se dekha toh sher tha
Pass ja kar dekha
Toh vakaai sher tha
bhaago

ek nur-e-sher pesh kar raha hoon

Darkat ke paimane pe chilman e husn ka
Furkat se yun sharmana....
Darkat ke paimane pe chilman e husn ka
Furkat se yun sharmana....
uparwali line ka matlab tumhare samaz mai aaye..
to hume jaroor batana.

agla wala load shedding pe ......... jara gaur farmayega

Jise Dil diya woh Dilli chali gayi..
Jise Pyar kiya woh Italy chali gayi...
Dil ne kaha Khud Kushi(Ssuicide) kar le zalim...
Bijali ko haath lagaya to bijali chali gayi...:(

Door se dekha to santra tha, pass jake dekha to santra tha,
chil ke dekha to bhi santra tha, Khake dekha to bhi santra tha

ye wala jara padhae likhae pe jor dalta hai .......

Maine tujhse pyaar kiya , tere baap ne mujhe peeta
Sin by cos is equal to tan theta ......

Woh hamari gali me aaye...
Woh hamari gali me aaye...
Woh hamari gali me aaye...
Aur chillake bole.....
-
Paper Raddi wala !!!!!

Yahan bhi khuda hai ,
Wahan bhi Khuda hai,
Yahan bhi khuda hai ,
Wahan bhi Khuda hai,

|
Jahan nahi khuda hai wahan
Kal khudega!!!

Galib ne likha diwar par chune se....
Galib ne likha diwar par chune se...

Yaha likhna mana hai...

Dekhiye mashuka ki tarif kaise karte hain ............

Yeh aankhen hai ya neeli jheel?
Yeh aankhen hai ya neeli jheel?
So? What's the big deal?

woh sadak ke uss par the ...
hum sadak ke iss par the.....
do kadam woh chale...
do kadam hum chale...
ab hum sadak ke uss par hai..
aur woh sadak ke iss par hai....

Dharti se aasmaa tak, aasmaa se dharti tak (earth to sky, earth to sky)
Dharti se aasmaa tak, aasmaa se dharti tak
Dharti se aasmaa tak, aasmaa se dharti tak
Dharti se aasmaa tak, aasmaa se dharti tak
.
Hawa hi hawa hai. (air only air)

AUR PESH-E-KHIDMAT HAI.................
NUR-E-SHER ..................
GAUR FARMAEAGA ................ DAAD CHAHOONGA ........................

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taj mahal ko dekh kar bola shahajan ka pota....

taj mahal ko dekh kar bola shahajan ka pota....

gaur farmaeye shahajahan ka pota bol raha hai ...............

taj mahal ko dekh kar bola shahajan ka pota....
:
apna bhi bank balance hota...
apna bhi bank balance hota...
apna bhi bank balance hota...

agar dada deewana na hota!!!!!!!!!!

Shukriya ........... Shukriya ........... Shukriya ........... :)