How to kill a LION? TCS method: hire a lion give him hell a lot of work and pay him government salary lion dies of hunger and frustration Cognizant Method: hire a lion... ask him to stay for late nights but give him no work to do. give him gobi 65 to eat again and again. hire 100 more lions but do not increase the space to sit give them same gobi 65 to eat hire 200 more....... and more ....... IBM's metbod: hire a lion, give him a pink slip in an hour ... he dies of unemployment... Syntel Method: Hire a Cat ... assure him that he will eventually become a Lion once he reaches onsite and make sure that he never reaches onsite. Cat dies in hope of becoming a Lion.... MBT method :( Similar to Capgemini ) hire the lion, make him take 14 tests and tell him that if he doesn't score 60% he will lose the job. lion dies of the strain? i-Flex method: hire a lion???.o...
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The oft repeated topic. It seems to be a mystery until you really start thinking. One of my personal favorites. Why some men can never fall in love or never get girl friends. Many of us just keep complaining, without thinking on what the inherent problem is. Thankfully, I did it as a case study and found out some important issues which might concur with a majority of ppl who are rocking the same boat as mine. 1) You always sit in the last bench with the other class comrades who feel that its possible to get marks sitting in last row. In case of workplace, no girls are there in your project and you have like minded ppl like you as colleagues and wherein your entertainment oscillates between the bars and cinema theaters. 2) You obviously cant groove and dance, and dance around in a group in a disc by just shaking your head or grooving your hip. Desi music directors are your favorites. You cant wait for a bangra number to crop up. Unfortunately, you are too adept at dancing dappan...
Hi, Guess its conversation within a Family ;) -------------------------------------------------------------- Sekar (Calling his family from Amsterdam ): Good Evening Mom and Dad. Where is my wife Sheela? Dad: Just now I called her. She is on the way to home after taking our grandson Rahul from his school. Sekar: Let us wait for her few minutes and we will start this discussion. (By the time Sheela entered in to the house.. Sekar continue the meeting) I hope you know the Agenda of the meeting which I had mentioned in the meeting request. Even though let me read out the agenda once again 1. Status update/Discussion on Last Week Action Items 2. Family Strategy 2. Rahulâ �� s Education 3. Medical Insurance for Mom and Dad I hope every one have the printout of last week MOM (Minutes of Meeting). Dear Mom can you please update the status of tasks which you are taking care of? Mom: Sekar, I am taking care of kitchen module which involves making products like Sa...
J Once a man married to a city girl and there was a huge age difference between them and they were not what one would call a perfect couple. They were merely stretching their marriage with no real romance in between them. They were two very different people. There was a reality dance show called XXXXX - which was the main backdrop of their life story. The show was on the lines of popular television show, Dance with me Apparently girl wanted to take part in the dance competition but she couldn't because her husband was old and not hip and happening she feared that if she danced with him, she would lose the show and become the laughing stock among all her friends, who were taking part in the same. Husband overheard his wife's problem and decided to go in for a makeover. He ...
Software Engineer Husband Husband - hey dear, I am logged in. Wife - would you like to have some snacks? Husband - hard disk full. Wife - have you brought the saree. Husband - Bad command or file name. Wife - but I told you about it in morning Husband - erroneous syntax, abort, retry, cancel. Wife - hae ALLAh !forget it where's your salary. Husband - file in use, read only, try after some time. Wife - at least give me your credit card, i can do some shopping. Husband - sharing violation, access denied. Wife - i made a mistake in marrying you. Husband - data type mismatch. Wife - you are useless. Husband - by default. Wife - who was there with you in the car this morning? Husband - system unstable press ctrl, alt, del to Reboot. Wife - what is the relation between you & your Receptionist? Husband - the only user with write permission. Wife - what is my value in your life? Husband - unknown virus detected. Wife - do you love me or your c...
Hi, At the movies: When you meet acquaintances/ friends.. . Stupid Question:- Hey, what are you doing here? Answeron’t u know, I sell tickets in black over here.. 2. In the bus: A heavy lady wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps onyour feet... Stupid Question:-Sorry, did that hurt? Answer:- No, not at all, I`m on local anesthesia.. ...why don`t you try again? 3. At a funeral: One of the teary-eyed people ask... Stupid Question:-Why, why him, of all people. Answer:-Why? Would it rather have been you? 4. At a restaurant: When you ask the waiter Stupid Question:- Is ! the "Butter Paneer Masala" dish good?? Answer:- No, its terrible and made of adulterated cement. We occasionally also spit in it. 5. At a family get-together: When some distant aunt meets you after years... Stupid Question:- Munna, Chickoo, you`ve bec...
Once upon a time, there was a software engineer who used to develop programs on his Pentium machine, sitting under a tree on the banks of a river. He used to earn his bread by selling those programs in the Sunday market. One day, while he was working, his machine tumbled off the table and fell in the river. Encouraged by the Panchatantra story of his childhood ( the woodcutter and the axe ) He started praying to the River Goddess. The River Goddess wanted to test him and so appeared only after one month of rigorous prayers. The engineer told her that he had lost his computer in the river. As usual, the Goddess wanted to test his honesty. She showed him a match box and asked, " ...
Officer : What Is Your Name ? Candidate : M P. Sir Officer : Tell Me Properly Candidate : Mohan Pal Sir Officer : Your Father's Name ? Candidate : M P. Sir Officer : What Does That Mean ? Candidate : Manmohan Pal Sir Officer : Your Native Place Candidate : M P. Sir Officer : Is It Madhya Pradesh ? Candidate : No, Munnur Pal Sir Officer : What Is Your Qualification? Candidate : M P. Sir Officer : (Angrily) What Is It ? Candidate : Metric Pass Officer : Why Do You Need A Job ? Candidate : M P. Sir Officer : And What Does That Mean ? Candidate : Money Problem Sir Officer : Describe Your Personality Candidate : M P. Sir Officer : Explain Yourself Clearly Candidate : Magnanimous Personality Sir Officer : This Discussion Is Nowhere, You May Go Now Candidate : M P. Sir Officer : What Is It Now Candidate : My Performance....? Officer : Mp !!! Candidate : What Is That Sir..? Officer : Mentally Puncture -------------------------------------------------...
HOW TO RECRUIT THE RIGHT PERSON FOR THE JOB? Put about 100 bricks in some Particular order in a closed Room with an Open window. Then send 2 or 3 candidates in The room and close the door. Leave them alone and come back After 6 hours and then analyze The situation. If they are counting the Bricks. Put them in the accounts Department. If they are recounting them.. Put them in auditing . If they have messed up the Whole place with the bricks. Put them in engineering. If they are arranging the Bricks in some strange order. Put them in planning. If they are throwing the Bricks at each other. Put them in operations . If they are sleeping. Put them in security. If they have broken the bricks Into pieces. Put them in information Technology. If they are sitting idle. Put them in human resources. If they say they have tried Different combinations, yet Not a brick has Been moved. Put them in sales. If they have already left for The day. Put them in marketing. If they are staring out of the Windo...
KILLER PJS A rz kiya hai .......... jara gaur farmaeaga ........... kutta mar gaya rajaai mein kutta mar gaya rajaai me main pagal ho gaya teri judai mein. ek aur mulahija farmaeye ................... Haathi naali me beh nahi sakta Haathi naali me beh nahi sakta aur main tere bina ab reh nahi sakta ek aur .............. Tu mere dil mein aise samaayi hai Jaise baajre ke khet mein bhains ghus aayi hai saheban pesh-e-khidamat hai ............. Ke khidki se dekha to raste pe koi nahi tha ... Ke khidki se dekha to raste pe koi nahi tha ... Aur raste pe jake dekha to khidki pe koi nahi tha .... Door se dekha toh sher tha gaur kijiega ..... Door se dekha toh sher tha Pass ja kar dekha Toh vakaai sher tha bhaago ek nur-e-sher pesh kar raha hoon Darkat ke paimane pe chilman e husn ka Furkat se yun sharmana.... Darkat ke pai...
Really Good one Howdy, folks ... lovely story I just had to share. ' Never Ever Lie to a woman ' A man called home to his wife and said, 'Darling , I have been asked to go fishing up in Canada with my boss & several of his friends. We'll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I've been wanting, so could you please pack enough clothes for a week and set out my rod and fishing box, we're leaving from the office & I will swing by the house to pick my things up' ' Oh! Please pack my new blue silk pyjamas. ' The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy but being the good wife she is, did exactly what her husband asked. The following weekend he came home a little tired but otherwise looking good. The wife welcomed him home and asked if he caught many fish? He said, 'Yes! Lots of salmons, some blu...